Stargazer

A few years back, someone told me my name. Not the name that my parents have given me, but the name God knows me by. She said I was Stargazer. She saw me as a little girl, standing by the sea, wind blowing in my hair, collecting rocks. These rocks weren't just little gray stones, they were colored on the inside. She said I had such curiosity and fascination on my face, that I get excited by little things that I see in the world. And this is so true. I look at the world with wide eyes. I know that I could never stay awake long enough to take in even a tenth of what's around me, not to mention the rest of the world, but this excites me. It's like playing a game of soccer with a friend who's actually a soccer player. Chances are high that you're not going to win, but you're still going to give it your all. It doesn't matter if you win or lose, just that you tried.

I've been procrastinating a LOT today. I just don't feel like doing any work. I colored for most of the day and have been listening to a wide selection of music. I read a friend's blog post earlier of how he was inspired by this whole name thing I mentioned so he went on the quest to find his own. I think that's what started this thread of thinking today. I read that and now all day I've been feeling like Simba after he's run through that thicket that Rafiki pointed him through, when the storm clouds take shape into Mufasa and are telling him to "Remember. Remember who are you. Remember." I feel like that's what God's been telling me today. To remember who I am. To remember that I am Stargazer.

I've forgotten my curiosity. I've become scared to hear the answers to my questions, so I've stopped asking questions. I'm getting to that point again in my life when I realize how much I've become invested in a certain part of my life and I get scared, so I begin to remove myself in an attempt of protection. The last time I did this, I really screwed it up so I guess you could say things are taking a double effect this time around.

It's funny that I'm talking about remembering who I was since that's the theme of the newest film I'm working on for class. It's about a guy who's become insecure and unsure and who gets a chance to re-evaluate his life and whether or not he takes it. So I guess I finally figured out how I "randomly" came up with that idea. I really hate it when my main characters end up being myself. But then again, these are exactly the kind of things that remind me of why I am called Stargazer. You've gotta laugh at how God works sometimes.

Well, I guess that's it for now....I'm not even sure how I feel about posting this, but another thing I've been learning is the importance of sharing. So....here goes, I guess.

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