What I re-realized this weekend is something that really hit me during women's retreat this past semester - how much we need these quiet moments with God. I think I can push things away and hide it under the rug. If only I ignore my problem, my frustration, or my thought for long enough it will go away. But it never works. I'm finding it better - better, not easier - to face these things when they happen. I don't have to shout it to the world, but I need to acknowledge my feelings of frustration or pain when they happen. To allow myself to feel them and to be able to move on instead of bottling up emotions to the point when they'll burst out unceremoniously from within me.
This week's Bible study topic was God's sovereignty and I found myself very aware that I have not been trusting God in my life. So I gave up a top excuse for not turning to Him in order to force myself to. I am horrible with confrontations, and it seems silly that that would carry through to confronting things in prayer - but my lack of tact in that area just seems to heighten when it comes to God. Silly, I know, since He already knows whatever I'll tell Him but difficult all the same. So, honestly, I didn't come to him until this afternoon. But God is patient. Anyways, all this to say that I'm turning things around. I needed this time to be able to shift my focus back to where it should be. I ask God time and time again to show me the plan for my life and to reveal dreams to me, etc. etc. but I ignore what He has equipped me with in the present.
I read this quote on a friend's Facebook status a few weeks ago and held onto it because I knew I would need to hear it again:
"Does it make sense to pray for guidance about the future if we are not obeying in the thing that lies before us today? How many momentous events in Scripture depended on one person's seemingly small act of obedience! Rest assured: Do what God tells you to do now, and, depend upon it, you will be shown what to do next."
-Elisabeth Elliot, Quest for Love: True Stories of Passion & Purity
It convicted me then and it convicts me now. Why do I set my sights so desperately upon the future if I ignore what is put in front of me right now? How do I think that will work? If I try to study for a test two weeks away without learning the things in the lesson for today, how can I except to succeed? I try to hold onto the dreams and plans I lay out for myself but I ignore what I've already been told I'm good at.
"In his heart, a man plans his ways
but the Lord determines his steps."
-proverbs 16:9
I guess the big point that I'm trying to get across is personal retreats. We usually realize we need some extended quiet time when we've already reached our limit of stress, but I want to challenge you (and myself) to plan ahead. I have this book called Secrets of the Secret Place by Bob Sorge which is filled with different "secrets" which are, as the front cover describes, "keys to igniting your personal time with God". I find it no coincidence that the chapter I read before going to sleep was The Secret of Time which led right into this morning's The Secret of Retreats. Sorge encourages us to take three day or more personal retreats and while I know there is value in that we also need to institute more regular times into our schedules. Whether it be staying off Facebook on certain days of the week, or establishing a daily hour with God - however it manifests itself, we need these intentional times away from what distracts us so easily from who we really need to be with.
So this is my challenge to you for this week - that you cut something out, or sacrifice otherwise idle time to just spend time with God. You know there's things you've gotta figure out and relinquish your hold on. So stop sitting around and thinking about how you want to talk about it, and just do it.
