RE: Beauty

I spent the weekend at Virginia Beach with another part of the extended family God has blessed me with. During the retreat, God revealed to me some more truths that feed on what I realized in my last blog post, which is why this one is a reply. I feel like Thursday night's realization was more of an introduction to what I would be shown on Saturday night. I'm learning about set-ups and pay-offs in my film class right now (when a director will introduce something in a movie and then bring it up again later, showing you its significance), and I guess this is my own real-life example of it.

To give a short re-cap of the last post, I shared that I am recognizing that I need to let go to my own selfish desires and lay them down at God's feet. Specifically, my identity. Who I am as a person, what defines me. Specific attributes that I value and want for myself. These include beauty, understanding, consistency, passion, etc.

We kicked off our weekend sessions talking about pride. The sad thing is that we think we know what pride is, but it always sneaks up on us. Pride isn't just the over-the-top pomp and strut. Anything we do that puts us on a higher pedestal is pride. Pride is a parasite.

So, on Saturday night as I sat on the floor asking God who I am, He led me to a verse.

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires."

Psalm 37:4

The funny thing is that a friend gave me that verse in response to my last post. Then, I read it over and saw the relation but that was it. This time around, I was drawn to the word "delight". What does that mean? To find joy in something, to take pleasure in it. Okay. So then how do I "take delight in the Lord"? Well, what makes me stand in awe of Him? I started to think about God's attributes and who He is. He's beautiful. He's understanding. He's consistent. Hold on, that sounds familiar...

So wait, let's get this straight. Everything that I've been looking for in myself, God already is? YES. God showed me my pride, as ugly as it was. I was too scared to trust Him, so I held on for dear life, thinking that if I tried to achieve these things on my own that it would work. I had too much pride in myself and not enough trust in my maker, my protector, and my comforter. God is everything I want to be and all that I need. Once I am able to let go of my pride, my hands are free for God to take a hold of them and turn me around, away from my broken mirror and straight to His feet.

This moment of realization was so freeing. It felt like I was coming up for air. But, I have to say that this has been a long process in my life and it's definitely not over. I've struggled with image for I don't even know how long, and most of the time I didn't even know it was an issue, but God is faithful and so, so patient. So I hope that you take this as encouragement. This is what God is doing in my life, and I know that He has some marvelous truth that He wants to reveal in your life as well. He probably is showing you pieces now, you just don't know it because we can't see the bigger picture just yet. Just have faith, be patient, and be open to what God is going to show you. It's easier said than done, I know, but what isn't?

Have a blessed day!

behind Your eyes is where i know i'll find it,

cause who You are defines my dreams

-switchfoot