Scribbles

I took a walk last night and I finally found the words in me to put down on paper.

I'm going to be hypocritical and tell you not to try to figure me out.

Yes, I wrote it last night, but it is something that has been in me for a while now and only decided to form itself into black scribbles last night.

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am i too scared to see what is right in front of my face?

that the very thing i've been praying for might be, in fact, a reality?

why, though?

if it has been consuming my thoughts so much, why is it taking me so long to accept?

am i scared that if this desire is confirmed that it would become any less than it could be?

i am too scared to trust God completely.

the very thing i want Him to give me so desperately is the very same that i cling to with my heart.

but if my heart belongs to God, how can i continue to hold on to it?

if only.

it's funny how hard we have to be hit to make a simple reevaluation on our lives.

you would think it's easy, and then you have to do it.

the hardest things to admit are to ourselves.

to see our faults and misdeeds and brokenness

but to know that we are still completely loved.

and not just by a friend, but by the very One who made us His and His alone.