Scribbles

I took a walk last night and I finally found the words in me to put down on paper.

I'm going to be hypocritical and tell you not to try to figure me out.

Yes, I wrote it last night, but it is something that has been in me for a while now and only decided to form itself into black scribbles last night.

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am i too scared to see what is right in front of my face?

that the very thing i've been praying for might be, in fact, a reality?

why, though?

if it has been consuming my thoughts so much, why is it taking me so long to accept?

am i scared that if this desire is confirmed that it would become any less than it could be?

i am too scared to trust God completely.

the very thing i want Him to give me so desperately is the very same that i cling to with my heart.

but if my heart belongs to God, how can i continue to hold on to it?

if only.

it's funny how hard we have to be hit to make a simple reevaluation on our lives.

you would think it's easy, and then you have to do it.

the hardest things to admit are to ourselves.

to see our faults and misdeeds and brokenness

but to know that we are still completely loved.

and not just by a friend, but by the very One who made us His and His alone.

Selfishness

I love to listen to people.

As much as I love to listen, I hate selfishness.

I will sit quietly waiting for someone to realize I need to talk too.

I spend a lot of my time waiting for people to realize things.

It can be dangerous to only listen.

So thanks to those who listen to me in turn.

There's not much of a point to this.

Adventure

Adventure is scraping up your knee and not caring.

Adventure is worshipping in the middle of a roundabout.

Adventure is learning a new language.

Adventure is talking to someone you don't know.

Adventure is hopping a fence for the first time.

Adventure is not having no fear, but having no regrets.

Where is your sense of adventure?

I found mine again today.

Family

Whenever I use the word family, it is loosely defined. Over the years, family has come to mean so much more than the mere blood that runs in our veins. It is still defined by blood, but by the blood of Christ. Friends are the family you choose, but I think they were chosen for me.

Family is who sticks with you no matter what, no matter where.

I've come to understand that I've taken my family for granted, like I do with so much else. I've only realized it this past year and change when I've been living halfway across the world. I guess that's normal though, what is that saying? "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? I kind of hate that saying, but I guess it holds true to some degree.

Right now time difference sucks. Eight hours and soon to be nine.

Story of my life.

Doesn't make it any easier, though.

Santiago

According to esteemed Arab scholar, Santiago, reading strategies for Arabic start with finding the appropriate field with limited lighting so that extra-terrestials will be attracted to the spot to make crop circles.

He has successfully offended half the world in one go.

Congratulations.

Three Years Later

Three years is a long time. The only reason I'm back on here was to leave my mark somewhere else. Of course, I have to leave my own virtual footprints here though, too.

Well, I don't really have much to say. I've been out of practice for a while. I haven't written anything in a long time. It's kind of weird.

Really, the real reason I'm writing on here is because I'm too afraid to admit that if I watch Jersey Shore, I might sincerely like it. I mean, I liked Wristcutters so I might as well like something else. (That's all Paul's getting.)

Now I'm turning this blog into what I don't want a blog to be. I'm already too analytical, I don't need to publicize it.

So this is me signing off to do my Arabic homework even though my butt is already numb from re-activating and re-vamping my blog.

After A While

*static*
*footsteps approaching*
*a chair is dragged across the floor*
*a figure sits down and a light slowly reveals her identity*
Well. Hello again. It's been a while since we've last come in contact, hasn't it? Sorry about that. There's not really an excuse I can give except I seem to have forgotten my role as a blogger. Anyways. For any readers out there, I doubt there's many...you can see some major changes here, such as the template, but it's the changes that not many of you can see on the surface that I will be discussing in this post. Or more like just telling you.

Thus begins the story.

I do believe the last time I posted something on my blog was Valentine's Day. At least it's in the same year...*shrugs* So, what has happened since there? Well. I graduated from high school for one. I performed my last high school production, Pippin. Interesting musical, to put it nicely. Oh yeah, and I had a kick-butt summer.

Chapter 1

I can't say if the last stretch of high school was what I expected or not because I didn't know what to expect. Especially graduated from a school in a country you've only lived in for less than a year. It was an experience. One I wouldn't trade for anything, but maybe I would've done some things differently. Not sure what, but if I looked hard enough I'd probably be able to find something. It was all pretty much a blur, filled with rushed hangouts, rushed assignments, and rushing to finalize summer plans. Then there was prom. Which beat out my junior one in Dubai like Michael Phelps beat every swimming record in the Olympics. When the decorations committe goes all out and stays in theme (aka when moms do the decorations) not much else can go wrong, especially when the DJ actually plays good music and takes requests. Oh yeah, and there's slow songs. Yep. Junior prom kinda blew. But everything that was made wrong was set right here in Doha. :) So now we leave prom behind and fast forward to graduation. Leaving out AP exams because they happened before prom and something that puts you through that much stress is hardly worth mentioning. But I mentioned it anyways. So what you gon' do 'bout it? Well, graduation came and went and I got a diploma, cap and gown to prove it. Probably the weirdest most out-of-body experience I'll ever have. It was weird graduating with a bunch of people I'd only known for about a year when the people I've known for seven were graduating at the same time 8 hours away. As strange as the experience was, it was still quite sad. There were a lot of "lasts". The last time being on the stage, the last performance of the full Chamber Singers class of 07-08, the last moments of being a high school student. But amidst all of the "lasts", there were also "firsts", I guess, but I don't want to delve into that because then this will just sound unnecessarily corny. Graduation parties are what came next, starting with the Al Jazi pool party, and ending with my own grad party here at home. There were many goodbyes to be said, but again I rushed through them because I was so excited to start on my next chapter in Dubai, welcoming in the summer vacation. Just because I rushed through them, however, did not mean they weren't hard to do. For a person that's moved around quite a bit, I hate goodbyes. It's such a cruel thing, having to say goodbye to somebody you've worked at a friendship with especially when you don't know when you will see each other again. It's almost like cutting the thin string between your two telephone cans as you try to talk to each other from your respective house. The only time it'll be fixed is when you come together again.

Chapter2

After the "goodbye"s came a multitude of "hello"s. I cannot tell you how much joy it gives me to be back in Dubai, surrounded by my element - my best friends. My youthies. Those who I miss terribly. Going back this winter is going to be strange considering nearly all of them have moved on to start the university and other chapters of their lives. Anyways. Shout out to Jonny, the chauffeur of us all.